my life

Day 6 of #30Layers30Days: Smothered

(this post is two days late. Oops)

What people and things are making it hard for you to breathe right now?

I have a small family. I’m only really in contact with my immediate family. Within my small family, I am the backbone of it all. My younger sisters look to me for guidance usually before our parents. Even my parents come to me for support as well. Although I admire my family’s confidence in my guidance, it can be really exhausting. This dates back to me being a kid. My parents decent parents and there physically, but emotionally they were just too occupied. Now, that I’m older I have forgiven them of this and know it can be hard being an adult and providing for a family. I appreciate all the sacrifices they’ve made for me and my siblings. But now I just wish I got the chance to feel like their kid.

I wish I could know what it feels like to have a parent who is mentally present for me. I want so much to be the child and be the one taken care of. Instead, I’m forced to make sure everyone in the family is alright and help them whenever needed. And I know I shouldn’t complain about that. But I can’t help but to feel exhausted and like I can never quite catch my breath. There’s always something or someone who needs me. It’s family, so I will always be there.

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