Today’s date is an emotional day for my fiance and me.
August 12th was my expected due date 2 years ago. Unfortunately, I had an ectopic (tubal) pregnancy and the pregnancy wasn’t viable. Because the fetus was inside my fallopian tube, I was in a lot of pain and bleeding internally. So at 10 weeks, I had to have emergency surgery to remove the fetus from the tube before it burst and caused me to possibly bleed out. It was the most traumatic experience of my life to date.
However, I’m not writing this to re-hash the bad feelings I felt at this difficult time. I’m writing this in hopes that other women and/or couples can read this and know that they are not alone. For months after, I felt so isolated from the world. I didn’t know anyone who had personally lost an unborn baby, be it through ectopic or miscarriage. Yet, my doctor reassured me that losing an unborn baby was more common than I thought. He told me that miscarriage occurs in 1 out of 4 pregnancies in the first trimester. And the chances of ectopic pregnancy are 1-2%. That’s a pretty low statistic but it still happens.
The shame and grief you feel in the beginning is completely normal. Communication is key to helping you not get consumed by the sorrow of loss. Open up to your partner about your feelings. Also, be patient and realize that men and women sometimes do cope differently emotionally. Try to never make your partner feel guilty for not grieving the same as you are. Be understanding and remember you are both in this together. I encourage you to open up to your close friends and family, if you feel comfortable. Loved ones can offer much-needed emotional support. That person may or may not know what you’re going through, but it can help you to vent and help alleviate some of the isolation you may feel.
Ultimately, as cliche as it may sound, time really does heal all. It’s been two years and I feel like I’ve grown emotionally stronger from the experience. The shame and anger I held on to for so long has now dissipated. My relationship with my partner is now stronger than ever, and I believe that may be because we were able to get through one of the hardest things in our life. My mentality is, if we can go through that, we can get through almost anything that comes our way!
I think we would’ve been awesome parents but it just wasn’t meant to be at the time. I’m hopeful that our story will have a happy ending somewhere down the future. Besides, the only thing left for us to do is not let the pain of the past hinder the wonderful life journey we are to continue together 🙂